Thursday, November 5, 2009

Free too loose can fly, holding too tight can die

 Recently an insurance company started running a very interesting ad. The ad features a cool urbane girl sitting in a compartment waiting for the train to depart, to her amusement a couple arrive to see of their son and start to pamper him irrespective of the people sitting around, treating him like a kid much to their son's dismay, because he is not left with a chance to impress the girl.


     Well unfortunately this kind of behavior which was shown in  the ad was not at all exaggerated and was  to an extent true. The situation in many households may not be like this, but for those people who relate with the ad may feel a connect with the boy in the ad. And i am one of them.

       Sixth sem results had just come out and we all were having a lot of fun, the result was good after all. So we decided to release our pent up frustration by going to some hill station, and we chose lonavala, a hill resort at an  hours distance from mumbai on the expressway. After a lot of convincing and lot of promises i was allowed to join my friends in their car. Loud music jarring from the car which was at a speed of around 100kmph(expressway is India's best and safest highway), i receive a call from my dad..

"yes dad"
"where have you reached??"
"i am near panvel"
"alrite,what speed is your car going at ??"
"uhhhh 80"( a blatant lie)
"you idiot, seems you having troubles following my guidelines huh??"
"what??"
"Ask you friend to reduce the speed of the car"
"alrite, aye ashit, bring the speed to 60(winking), yeah done dad"
"hmmmmm, ok you had water?? listen son drink water at regular intervals, and don't poke your head out of the car window"
"yes dad, don't worry"
"And do give me a call when you reach there"
"yes dad"
"I hope you wont do the kind of mischief you are known for"
"ok dad"
"bye son , take care"
"yes dad bye"

        That was the last time i took permission from my dad to go out for a trip any where, i had to find excuses to stay out of home and roam around. But unfortunately the conversation you saw above was not the only one i had to ever face, Still after passing out my engineering i face such kind of pampering (or the lack of it). Why does this happen? And what are the consequences??

                The parents excuse of their love for their children is indeed a good one, but how true is it?? Does that mean parents who give freedom to their children or don't poke their noses in their things, don't love their children?? So the excuse that these parents love their children and hence this behavior is baseless and falls flat. The real reason as i see, is lack of trust in the child or lack of ability in them to understand their child. Such parents don't really see their kid as a grown up man or woman, they still tend to see them as child and end up embarrassing them in front of their friends and sometimes potential love interests(i never allow any of my friend who is a girl to meet my parents....). They don't have the confidence in them, this lack of confidence from the parents actually ends up making the child a nervous wreck and sometimes a blatant liar(like me!!!!).

            The consequences of such kind of parenting are not too good. Because mostly as we see around such children, who suffer with the lack of personal space are usually book worms, dull at extra curricular and lack heavily in self confidence, some of them(like me) who have a rebel in them can come out of it and stand up to this world,by lying, and having their way with molding of words, but not everyone is a rebel. With frustration and sometimes with a will to only go against their parents, children end up taking up the wrong path, i have seen many people taking up smoking and drinking to get the feeling of doing something against the unwritten  law at home. I know many girls who got into a relationship only to get the feel of opposing their parents ideologies, Ideology of not even allowing their daughter to even speak to a guy.

         Conversely, very lenient parenting can also be very harmful, i cant imagine my parents being too lenient with me because otherwise i would have been a free bull on a rampage. Those parents who give so much freedom so as to not even inquire what their child is doing ends up giving their children a feeling that parents don't love them. Even such children end up being on the wrong path of life and getting farther and further away from their parents.

        Then what should the parents do?? Do we children can ever be satisfied??
  
      Frankly we can never be satisfied but, at least the degree of unsatisfaction can be reduced by a parenting which is a perfect balance, i know the line is thin but those parents who can walk this thin line can end up being the best parents. (10 yrs hence i would be writing another blog to tell the degree of my success as a parent!!!!!!)

      For this i just remember a line from a famous song "numb" by linkin park

         "Holding too tight can die, a free too loose can fly"

4 comments:

Ekta said...

yeah, when u'll enter the situation (as a parent) then u'll know it better.. still a balance should be maintained!
PS: i never knew even guys do have such restrictions.. :P

satya_eee1 said...

Abhishek, I recommend you to watch a telugu movie called "Bommarillu".. Though you won't understand the language, you'll still get connected to the movie. It's about the care a father takes on his son who gets choked with it finally.

Shubhada said...

Hey abhishek it's really gud blog... i would like to focus on unwritten points Conversation=Communication...this is very important when u r kid is growin up!!!It's as equally important as u r basic needs.. Parents should give confidence to their children that they are capable enough to understand them!!! If not , still they will try... It shows integrity and unconditional love ... no doubt that every parent loves there children...
Only thing is required right path, right way to express there emotion.....
THEN LIFE WILL BECOME " BEFIKAR JIYO!!!"

Abhishek said...

hey satya wen v get a joinin i ll watch dat movie as i will have u as a translator.......


@shubada
well said

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