Monday, June 11, 2012

Confessions of a natural mind

Phew...Boys room and holy shit can never be cleaned

She thought to herself as she was cleaning their room. She had been disturbed for quite some time now. Being married for over an year through the institution of arrange marriage, she had had a hard going. First, she had to shift to a new city, for which she had to leave her old job, and now, this new city did not have a job to offer her. Her husband is a successful banker, earning enough money for both of them, but not spending enough time with her. Disgruntled and alone, she had taken up to social networking, meeting up with some old friends and making some new. To get over her boredom, today, she had taken up the cleaning of their bedroom, which though is visited a very few times by her husband, but it takes only those few visits to mess it up.

While cleaning the bookshelf in the room, she came across a neat hard bound diary, which she hadn't seen before. Carefully, she opened the case and turned the first page. It had her husband's name on the first page as title and "My confessions and feeling" as the subtitle. She turned to the next page...

Date- 01-August-2003

Today was my first day at college. I was very nervous and anxious about how it would turn out to be, but fortunately for me it turned to be better than what I anticipated. It is always nice to be in a good college and being surrounded by ocean of intellect. But in this ocean of intellect, I happen to see a pearl. She was sitting on the first bench, and just so that I could gather more info on her, for the first time I took the risk of sitting on the first bench. She is such a beauty that anyone would be forgiven to overlook her intellect. Her name is Karen and.....

Ohh, so he had a crush, he is not heartless after all

She did not read the rest of it, she turned the next page, it had the usual routine college life, boring, she thought to herself. She turned a few more pages until she came across a page mentioning Karen again.

Date- 10th November-2003

Karen is one hell of a female, rather one hell of a liberated female. She is quite vocal about the fact that she smokes occasionally and drinks socially, now, which female would have the guts to confess this to a guy she has met only a few months ago. She is par excellence….

Height of being mesmerized…Why the hell did he ever marry me?

A few more pages of regular college stuff and she stopped again at the mention of Karen

Date- 05th July-2004

I finally enter the second year of my college. I am no longer a fresher, but I do not intend to bully the juniors. Karen is still looking as beautiful as she always looked. I am now habituated to sitting on the first bench. Today she reaffirmed my observation of her being a bold and liberated girl. She discussed the genre of porn she watches. I admit, I was embarrassed, I have never discussed this with guys, let alone girls, she even asked me if I could get my collection for her on a CD. She is the epitome of being independent…..

So this guy watches porn, and if that does not suffice, he discusses it with females, Mom, where have you got me into? I can’t take this anymore; this guy is a pervert and sick…

She now started flipping through pages to nail this guy. She was sure that his fewer visits home meant more visits to this Karen’s place.

Date-13th January 2005

Karen has a boyfriend, Christopher. She will be getting married to him this year after we complete our degree in July. She told me I am a good guy, but she has already given her heart to Christopher, I guess she has been reading my mind off late and hence confessed her feelings before I could confess mine. Christopher is a very successful banker and is already earning Rs 2 million a year. It is only befitting for Karen that she gets a guy like Christopher…

She did not bother to read the rest of it. She was happy, happy in a way devil is when he commits an atrocity. He confessed that he had feelings for a girl, enough for her to make her case and insufficient alibis for him to justify his case. Now that Karen was out of his life, she wanted to know more about the dark secrets of Mr. White collared banker. She turned a lot more pages until she came to the day he first saw her.

Date- 12th December 2010

My experience with Karen had taught me that I need to be successful and extremely successful at that if I am to get hooked to a liberated female like Karen, This is the reason I had been procrastinating my wedding plans. But today I had to give in to my mom’s whims. She took me to Kapoors today to meet their daughter, and for the first time I did not regret giving in to my mom’s whims. I was dumbstruck on seeing her and I could feel my mouth remaining open for more time than it should have been. She is every bit the intellect I always sought the company of. She is smart and suave. I regret that she will have to leave her current job to get married to me, but my infatuation got better of my regrets and I agreed to marry her, fortunately for me, she also agreed.

I cannot believe, he thought so highly of me, then why the hell does he stay away from me for such long durations?

She was blushing for the first time after her marriage to him

Still, his feelings for me doesn’t take away the fact that he had a past with a female called Karen, Look how he started off by taking her name.

Curious to find out what changed him, she turned to the pages detailing their married life.

Date- 02nd September 2011

Hello Mr. Diary, I get heart breaks every time I look forward to a relationship. Kanika was and still is the girl I would love no end. She is intellectual and at the same time blends well with my persona. However, today while she was surfing her mail, she had seemed to forget to uncheck the ‘Keep me signed in’ check box. This led me to her mail box straight away without logging in. I saw a previous chat window already open, it was a chat with her ex-boyfriend(ex obviously coz I am her husband now), they were discussing how I was a thorn in flesh of their love and how they had loved each other so much. I don’t want to be a thorn for anyone, but I don’t have the gumption to separate from her. I will just stay away from her so that she seeks separation and the blame falls on me. I simply want to see her happy, maligning her is surely not on my mind. I only regret, again, not confessing my feelings, leaving it for a little too late.

She frantically searched for next few pages, but there wasn’t any entry after 2nd September, she kept turning pages till she reached the last page of the diary. She could feel tears in her eyes. She was falling short on breath; she could not take it anymore and burst out crying aloud. She cried till she fell asleep. She woke up a few hours later, picked up her mobile and dialed her husband, asking him to come home tonight, come what may. He agreed at once. She regretted how a flow of emotions had made her commit the sin of infidelity, and more so, the pain it was causing an angelic soul. She prepared the best food she could. Decorated the living room in the best possible way she could.

He came home an hour later, but was not surprised to see the whole room decorated, smelling the aromas of the best food his wife could cook. She came out a few minutes later

“I am sorry honey” She said giving him a peck on cheek

“Why ,Sweetheart?” He asked giving a peck back on her cheek

“Nothing, I am all for you, now, and forever. Just come back home daily on time.” She said smiling, but tears in her eyes. " I will be your diary" She added

“As you say your highness” He hugged her

He saw his diary left on the table. He smiled, he had gotten away with it, this mistake had almost jeopardized the whole thing, but it worked nonetheless. He had not realized before planning it, that The year on the diary was 2012

There is no saint out there without a stain on his past. Living in past perfect can only leads to a present tense and future imperfect.
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