Sunday, October 23, 2011

Sacrificed Innocence

"I don't think she should be hearing all this, please send her in" Mom pleaded with my Dad.
"She is a 9 year old girl, and she should know fully about the problems we face" He said, "Come out Paramita" He added in an affectionate but stern tone.

"What can it be about?" I said to myself. "Have I done something which has caused embarrassment to the family? Anindita Ma'am did not even call Dad to school this time for not standing first in rankings at school, neither have I pulled hair of my sister Mishti in a long time". Hesitant and embarrassed, I walked out into the room, having been hiding behind  the curtain and listening to the conversation between Mom and Dad all this while.

"So dear, We have been talking about some family problems here, Your elder brother has suffered a total kidney failure and our farm has not produce any good crop this year. We are in a deep financial problem. We have to arrange for a lot of money for your brother to survive or else find a donor for him" He said with a glim of tear in his eye.

"Can we not buy it from shop? I am sure Banwari would have it, he keeps a lot of things in his shop" I said trying to suggest something useful at least.
"No, we need to find a donor for this" He said in a authoritative voice.
"What is a donor, dad?" Trying hard not to sound dumb.
"Dear, a Donor is someone who can donate one of his kidney to someone who has none"
"Ohhh, then can we not give him ?" I said, trying to sound thoughtfully.
"No, one of my kidney is infected too, I can't give him mine" He said, sounding thoroughly disappointed.

And then suddenly, My Mom started crying profusely. "If we don't get a donor or money, Doctors say your brother will die in 1 month, your brother may not have much time left, pari, not much. And we can't even sell off our land, what will we give in dowry for your marriage otherwise?" and she went on crying. And then I did, what was not expected of me, being a big girl now. I started crying too. Hugging my mom, I could not stop myself from sobbing hard, I could feel the pallu of my mom getting wet from our tears. I felt a hand on my head,I looked back. it was my elder brother.

"Don't worry pari, We will manage" he said with a smile.

That is when I decided, I will find a solution to our problems, I cannot see my mother sob, I cannot see my father so tensed and I certainly cannot let my brother die.

"Dadi Maa, how old are you?" I said, in a lost tone.
"Why do you ask, you have become very ill mannered", She said in a very harsh tone
"Can you donate your kidney to my bro, he will die otherwise, please dadi, please.You are old anyway, my brother has such a long time to go". I said, pleading with all my might.
"You Moron, How dare you shorten my age? I have a long life ahead and I am proud of that. If you want your brother to live, why do you ask me? Go give your own kidney" She said, shouting loud enough for the neighbors to hear. "Girls are always waste of resources anyway, and a burden on family, had you not existed, my son wouldn't have had to worry about your dowry" she added scornfully.

Was I really the cause of all this. Is dowry the gift parents give their daughters at marriage? How do I tell them that I don't want any gift, I will marry a rich guy? Dad told me donor is someone who can give a kidney. Can I not donate my kidney? How does one donate a kidney? and what is a kidney?

"You've gone mad" My best friend Suparna exclaimed.
"But why? I think this is the only way I can help my family, Won't you like to join me? We had promised to stay together always, It won't be tough, trust me" I said, trying to sound convincing.
"Go away, Else I will tell Anindita ma'am that you are disturbing me.

My mom had once told me that when times are bad, no body helps, not even your best friends. She was right. I had always trusted Suparna, and today, instead of helping me out, she thought of complaining about me to Anindita ma'am. So many times I had lied to ma'am to save her from the scale whipping by ma'am. But I am a big girl, I can do it alone, I will handle it all alone.

All things were in place, I cross checked everything once again. As I began climbing atop the stool, I remembered something. I got down and opened my drawer. And there it was. I thought of cross checking the letter. Anindita ma'am would be upset if I commit grammatical mistakes. I began reading...

Dear Mom and Dad,
                               I am really sorry, Because of me you could not save money for buying kidney for brother. I wanted to tell you that I do not want any gift after my marriage, I will marry a rich boy, but you wouldn't listen. Hence I decided to give kidney to brother myself. I had even asked Grandmother as well, but she said, she has a long life to live and cannot give her kidney to brother. I tried to find out ways to donate kidney, but couldn't find one. I tried to use a knife and fetch it out, but I did not know where to start looking inside my body. Hence I have decided to leave it for you to decide how to do it upon me. I guess, to donate something, one needs to die first. Hence I am ending my life, so that finally I can be useful to someone. Now you won't have to worry about brother, he will live long now, like grandmother. You even won't have to worry about my dowry gift as well. Please forgive me for giving you all the troubles.
                                                                                      Yours Paramita

I realized my mistake, scribbled my name and wrote it below yours. I again climbed back on the stool. More determined than ever. I saw the elliptical rope in front of me. I could see everything through it, it didn't look different. I put my neck through it.
 "Would it pain if I do it this way? Does it pain a lot when people die?"
"Ohh, c'mon, it cannot pain more than it did when i broke my finger,it was so painful"
"Yes, it will not pain more than that" 
I smiled and kicked the stool from under me. I am trying hard to breath, but i am unable to catch any air. It is becoming harder. My chest is aching now. I am trying to get back on stool and stand up, but it has fallen too far. I am unable to use my hands or leg. My whole body had gone numb, I can't feel my body..
"Mom.....Broken finger was not this painful...................................."

This is a real story of Mamphy Sarkar of West Bengal who committed suicide on July 04th, 2011 because her brother had kidney failure and father had a degrading vision. She wrote a suicide note asking her family to use her organs, however a bigger tragedy followed, the note was found by the family after they had cremated her. Her Innocence was sacrificed under the burden of the mortal troubles. This blog is a fictional account of the events, only the premise of this blog is the same, and not the entire story.

God bless her soul.

Click here to read the news item of the above girl


Shivani Shastri said...

So much so for the LOVE girls bestow upon not only one...but two families...and still they call us the selfish sex...
So...for all those sobbing eyes, value ur b'ful gift (girls in ur life) cant ever be equated with any amount of dowry u plan to give/accept...
May u rest in peace Mamphy...

Abhishek...u've started touching most delicate of nerves...those ones, which impact the overall thought process...Great work is an understatement...

Abhishek said...

Yes,Although some of the movies do advocate this(for the sense of drama), but a woman's life is full of sacrifice, and this world can never have enough of it.

As far as this blog post is concerned......Thanks a lot....
U saying that great work for this post is an understatement is enough for me to rejoice :)

Rohit said...

Awesomely written! All the thoughts and emotions of the girl are very well captured. Keep it comming...

Rest in Peace Mamphy. May your tradegy open eyes of many such families with orthodoxial views about the girl child. Amen.

Arpz said...

Great illustration.Its better to be laconic because emotions of this blog are consummately touchy..

Anonymous said...

preeminent writing...thank a lot for blog post...-namitha

Deepti ...An X-ception said...

Awsum writing, ...with full of emotions....
well done..

AbhiLaSH RuHeLa said...


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