Sunday, May 11, 2014

So much for love

"Why hasn't he turned up yet?"
I think aloud, sitting in my room all by myself. I have been expecting him today, especially today, but he doesn't show up.
"He must be busy with work, you fool, he has a lot of work, unlike you"
I think aloud again, knowing that there is no one to hear me or my thoughts, not even him. But it is true, he works so hard, I understand, he may not have all the time for me in the world. He is an important executive in a big bank somewhere, I don't know much details, but he is pretty important. Sometimes, he goes to work early in the morning and yet never return at night. Of course, I don't stay with him, but such details don't escape, do they?
"Those times...."
I let out a sigh. I did stay with him for a long time, until one night he came home,

"I got a job, with a big raise" He said with a glitter of happiness in his eye. Of course, that glitter made me happy too.
"Wow, that is amazing, when are we moving then?" I said, a little loud, the prospect of exploring a new city showing up in my voice.
"Uh, ermm, I don't think we can move together, it's an expensive city, and for me to make some money, I need to go alone" He rued.
I won't be a burden, I say, but he simply bends down, kisses my forehead and promises to come back and take me soon. I know he means it, and I don't want to be a hurdle in his career, so I reluctantly agree. He did make it big in the new city. He climbed the corporate ladder very quickly for his age and at least now should be the time, he promised he would come back.

"Hush, I hear some footsteps, it's him, he is finally coming"
I am trying to silence my thoughts to hear the footsteps approaching the door, but my heart is racing, and I can't hear anything but my own heart beats. I cannot stop myself. I get up,open the door and shout out his name in the corridor, only to see a stranger passing by, giving me a look, with his lips forming the word 'crazy'.

Embarrassed, I shut the door, run into the pillow on the couch and lay there for a while. My thoughts again returning to him. It was around a year ago, when he had showed up after a long absence. He looked nervous and little jaded. He started,
"I need to tell you something, I am....I got...married" He finally blurts out. His words hit me, pinch me, but I still love him.
"I still love you" I say with a smile and hug him. "Promise me that you will take me with you, I know you can't stay with me any more, but we can be in the same city." I add, trying to empathetic.
"I will continue visiting you" He says, evading my question with a smile.

Still clutching on to the couch pillow, I realize that it is now warm and wet, probably with my tears. But I was warned.
"I am telling you sister, he doesn't belong to you anymore. He won't come for you. He may visit you sometimes out of guilt, but it's not him anymore. He belongs to another woman, let go of him." My sister had tried to explain to me the situation.
"I still love him." Is all I could mutter.

I have almost given up any hope of seeing him today. I reach out for the refrigerator to get some water, and that is when I hear the door bell. I drop the bottle from my hand and rush for the door. I am panting, but it doesn't matter. I hit the couch on my way to door, but it really doesn't matter. I reach out for the door knob to open it, but my vision is getting blurry, and the door is spinning in front of me. I am trying to hold out for the knob, but it is trying to run away from me. Finally I grab the knob and open the door, to see him standing. But I am being dragged down by something, some invisible force. And now I am lying down, I see a frenzied look on his face, everything is getting dark around me.

"I am sorry, I am late, mother" are the last words I hear from him.

Image Courtesy - 1)


Ankit Gala said...

Nice one :)

Shivani Shastri said...

:-) May I say, so much for the absolute need to "let go" what was never yours... Emotions r worth only when they come naturally and not when forced...

A big salute to the blessed selflessness of motherhood... but at the same time, may she be so empowered (emotionally) that she never has to beg for the love which is eventually lost with times n generations...

Maddy :):):):) said...

Awesome !

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